One becomes two.

I’ve probably picked the worst time ever to start a blog.

I can hear the sound of white noise playing in my toddler Jacob’s room, while I am rocking my almost-4 week old Jared to the tunes of Ludovico Einaudi’s amazing piano and string arrangements, which always seems to send him into peaceful slumber.

I can still taste the chocolate in my mouth that I convinced myself that I needed in order to stay awake, and I can smell the yoghurty hint of milk stains on my top. Hubby and I wanted to watch TV tonight, but the baby was fussing and frankly we’re too tired to start up a new series. In fact, tired has become part of my personality.

But amidst the daze of sleep deprivation, I feel a burning sense of inspiration. I’m embarking on a new journey going from one kid to two, and like it or not, I have to keep on paddling to keep this ship afloat.

~~~

I always knew I wanted to have at least two children. I’m an only child and while I did grow up with plenty to keep me occupied, there was always this longing for a sibling – in particular, a big brother. Someone who would rough up this self-proclaimed tomboy and to have someone to fight with for all the right reasons, but ultimately one who watched out for me in a love-hate fashion.

The day before Jared was born, I had the ultimate blues with regards to Jacob. He was my baby – my one and only, my pride and joy. He was the one who built me up but also broke me down. And he knew he held first place in my eyes, but now he was about to be dethroned.

We had tried our best to prepare Jacob for D-day – we read some amazing books about babies, talked about baby names and picked baby clothes together. He would talk to my tummy and tell the baby “I love you” in the sweetest way he could.

My waters broke the night before I had Jared, hence Jacob was whisked away in the morning to spend the day with his cousins. My last kiss I gave him tasted bittersweet – the next time I would see him, I would be introducing him to his new brother.

I spent a bit of that day cooking and cleaning, and the rest of it crying my eyes out. What if I hadn’t prepared him enough and it left him feeling sad and lonely? What if I couldn’t cope with the demands of both kids and I wasn’t able to give Jacob the love he deserved? Was my heart big enough for two?

love

And then, they met.

My little boy was overjoyed to meet the “baby in mummy’s tummy” – the expression on his fact just says it all, doesn’t it?

So far, it’s obviously not been all fun and games, but every day has a hint of joy in it. I look forward to many new adventures as a family of four (or five, if you want to count our dastardly dog), and look forward to sharing them here as well.

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2 thoughts on “One becomes two.

  1. I felt the same way when I was about to give birth to our second. Our first was 3 and I remember one day her and I were playing outside and she was running around carefree. I looked at her and thought, what have I done? For 3 years it has just been you and now we are about to split our attention in half, what have I done?! It really hit me at that moment and I feared what the outcome might bring and how that would affect her. Both our girls are doing great thankfully and to watch them love each other and play is just completely amazing. I am so thankful that they have each other. Congratulations on your two boys and your family of five! We have a tenacious lovable bulldog so definitely a family of 5 too.

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  2. Awww! That picture is so precious. He is going to make a great big brother. I can totally understand why you were torn when you were about to have your baby. My husband and I only have our 7 month old daughter, and we know that we want to try for a boy. We thought that we want our kids to be close in age, but right now, we want to enjoy our baby girl by herself for a little while. I know we will have another baby, but right now, I can’t help but think to myself that I have to share my love with another baby! I know it will be great, we would love to expand our family and give our daughter another sibling. I think we may wait a couple years until we try for another, I want her to know what is going on when she does become a big sister. By the way, your boys are so adorable! 🙂

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