I miss…

I actually found this very hard to write; because there are a lot of things I miss, but I was trying to find the things that are really closest to my heart.

Of course, being a mum, it’s natural that I’d say things like I miss having the freedom to do whatever I liked, I miss not having so many responsibilities (or rather, dependent little people who I need to wait on hand and food) and I miss all the things mums don’t get to do very much like go out on fancy dates or the movies or even just to the toilet without a toddler wanting to be a part of it.

Those things matter, but I think I really want to talk about feelings. I used to be a very emotional person – some people who know me will be shocked because at times I reckon I appear unmoved by certain things, almost stoic? I’m not the type who cries openly (though I sometimes shed a tear watching a sad commercial – go figure!) and I almost at times feel like I’m not sure how to feel about certain things.

Like, when Jared was born, the day leading up to his birth was one filled with the joy of newness and the sorrow of change as I was so afraid my relationship with Jacob would change (and it has, but for the better). I wrote a poem about it, which you can read HERE.

But anyway, here are some things I miss, in no particular order:

  • I miss meeting my babies for the very first time. I don’t think there is any other feeling in the world quite like it. The exhaustion, the relief, the joy.
  • I miss Malaysian food from time to time – some of the oddest things like Japanese egg tofu first thing in the morning or sago gula melaka late at night. I also miss the drinks – teh halia (ginger tea) on a cold wintry night perhaps.
  • I miss getting caught in the rain to the point that you’re completely saturated, that extra rain doesn’t matter one bit. And just walking around in that state in warm humidity like nothing’s happened.
  • I miss playing the piano with my eyes closed, with absolutely no agenda and letting one song turn into another or into a melody you’ve never heard before, but it sounds good nevertheless.
  • I miss my family who are far away. There are times we don’t get along, but then they leave and I realise that it was just not worth being mad at each other, because there’s only so many hours in a day and only so many opportunities to be in the same room together.
  • I miss the feeling you get when you’re starting out on a holiday, be it a road trip nearby or a flight overseas; the stress of “Have I packed everything? Where are my passports?” and the excitement of “Oh yeah HERE WE COME!”
  • I miss meeting someone from your past who once played an important role in your life, but then life got in the way and you didn’t see each other for ages, but then we both smile at each other and all the familiarity comes floating back.
  • I miss the memories made at Port Dickson – my parents used to take me to a company bungalow and eventually we bought a flat not too far away from there because we loved the town so much. Just imagine the whole beach house feel; playing ping pong or carrom, eating seafood and of course, going to the beach. And we often had family friends come along with us too – people I hardly speak to now but there was once that we shared such amazing moments.
  • I miss the moment that you’re performing something that you’d been diligently practicing for, like a song or a dance. In particular, I want to share my wedding dance with you – which is something I got hubby into (he wouldn’t call himself a lover of dance) and, while I can’t speak for him, I reckon we had an amazing time learning and performing it.

~~~

What are some things you miss?

Advertisements

Looking back on tomboyish days…

Honey, I’m home! (Once again, sorry for the break)

We’ve had such a busy weekend but I’m counting down the days because it’ll be the school holidays soon and we may have a little excursion scheduled… more details later on! 😉

But anyway, this weekend was the first time I played paintball! Some people were quite surprised at this – perhaps because I seemed to know what it was about, or at least pretended to know? I’ve always wanted to play it but wasn’t allowed because it was too dangerous, and never really had an occasion to do so until this weekend.

So, we got all suited up – it was a press stud suit and reminded me of putting a jumpsuit on Jacob (who was being babysat). I smuggled my phone in and took a couple of photos: Image

I had an awesome first round as I got up to a good spot and managed to shoot a lot of people (won some extra points, whoopee!). I think I have it quite easy because I’m a difficult target to hit – I was easily one of the smallest and shortest in my group. The second and third round weren’t as great for me because I kept getting headshots so I couldn’t see. One of them went straight through my vents and gave me a mouthful of paint! I ended up looking like this:

ImageAnyway, it was good fun but I must admit that it is one expensive game! It was like $20 for 100 paintballs – it got cheaper if you bought them in bulk, but you get the gist. As a result, we had to be quite sparing with our shots (which can be hard when you’re being shot at right left and centre). I probably couldn’t afford to play this game too often, but I had an awesome time (despite the scratches and bruises)! A nice hot shower was in order, especially since we were rained on once or twice in the course of the day.

Playing paintball got me thinking about some of the things I used to do that I don’t anymore. I was never the sporty type (more because I didn’t really stick at a sport long enough to be good at it) but I was, at some point of my life, quite fit. I was probably in the prime of my life at National Service – I was toughened by circumstance, strengthened by faith and agile as anything. My team won quite a few things and I kinda looked a bit tomboyish, to a point that I had a girl hit on me!.

Image

I don’t think I was ever good at riding a bike, but here I am in a helmet anyway. I had very short hair for the first few years of my life and my mum said I was often mistaken for a boy (much to her annoyance).

Image

And here’s Mowgli. Oh wait, no, that’s me. Sorry it’s blurry as it was me taking a photo of an old photo. I love swimming (though I’m a bit lazy of late) and used to go fishing with my dad; not rod fishing, but fishing with a jala (net). The net itself was pretty heavy and a lot of the time, we got fish by knocking them out with the weights rather than getting them caught in the net.

ImageBack in the day, when I used to do martial arts, I used to think I was pretty tough. I used to enjoy hanging out with the boys, but come to think of it now, any girl could have done what I did. I used to think that I stood out because I was the girl, and perhaps that was the case to an extent, but I think what’s most important is that it was me being me. I really enjoyed getting roughed up and rolling in the mud, as opposed to getting dolled up with makeup and dresses.

I admit that I’ve toned down of late, perhaps because I’m considered more a ‘woman’ than a ‘girl’ now, and because I play roles like ‘wife’ and ‘mum’ where tomboy doesn’t always fit in the picture. Or does it? I know that the main reason I’ve stopped martial arts is because I need that time for my family – time to prepare and eat a family meal and to get the little one bathed and tucked into bed. I don’t indulge in adventure so much anymore because I’m saving money for family outings and little occasional trips. But I think, deep down, I’m still a tomboy at heart.

I am excited at the prospect of bringing up a little boy – it’s almost like a second childhood for myself. I look forward to learning to play a sport with him, taking him camping, teaching him martial arts moves, riding a bike with him (pedal-type and motorized maybe?), letting him get dirty and not complaining (there’s always Vanish to get rid of mud stains), etc. And one day, he’ll grow up into a man but I hope he’ll still see me as a fun mum who shared similar interests with him.

But I’ve thought to myself before – what if I had a girl first? Would I have bought all things pink and completely changed the decor in my nursery? Would I be playing with dolls instead of cars? I don’t know. Maybe, if I have another child and it happens to be a girl, I will find out. But for now, I’m perfectly happy indulging in boys toys.

Speaking of boys, here are some shots from this week! Here he is with his cousin playing the piano – what musical geniuses they are!

ImageHere he is helping daddy with Maths.

ImageHere he is watching the footy. Adelaide Crows had a great win so I let Jacob wear his Crows scarf around.

Image

And lucky last one – anyone want to suggest a caption? 😛

Image

Hope everyone has an awesome week!